I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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