You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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