woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
