Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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