So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
