I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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