She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
