so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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