: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize