video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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