the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just want nice things and good sex
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
