i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
