no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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