I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
