Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
