saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
