i would punch a child for taco bell
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
