Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
