I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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