I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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