did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
