you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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