Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
