i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
