i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
