Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
