yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
