Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Randomize
