his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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