We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
