I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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