His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
how does that bad decision feel?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
