he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
