i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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