My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
