She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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