I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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