I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
