ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
