Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
