i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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