this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
