saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
