Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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