My liver just broke up with me...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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