Tell her she can't have a vagina
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
