the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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