If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
