I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
