if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
50% drunk capacity currently
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
