Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
