Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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