I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize