I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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