at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
