Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
