I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
