I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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