Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
