dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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