im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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