I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
