What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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