why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
