Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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