If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
