I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
